Step 1. Reserve the very last available campsite for Yosemite National Park online! Drive four hours and arrive, only to be informed cheerfully by the ranger at check-in that the site has been the location of "bear incidents" recently. Even better: Other campers, upon seeing your site, ask you if you have seen bears yet.
Step 2. Pack some delicious dinner food that requires cooking. No worries - you have a propane Coleman stove! And apparently have forgotten how to use it and/or some part has broken, as lighting it is either completely unsuccessful (though you can hear the gas), or causes a huge flame that looks as if it almost could burn your face off. Repack the food and cooking supplies and drive to the nearby town (population: 50) to buy bread, cheese, mustard and turkey for dinner instead.
Step 3. Pick up firewood - even if you can't have hot food, you can still have a great campfire! Successfully build a nice, long-burning campfire in the ring, pour two glasses of wine and play card games with boyfriend. Notice two large, flying beetles arriving. Casually wave them away. Notice three large, flying beetles buzzing overhead. More aggressively wave them away. Campsite becomes swarmed with large, flying beetles (possible borer beetles), making wine, card games and campfire enjoyment impossible. Throw all items into the car, run to the restrooms to wash up before bed, and dive into the tent just as it's getting dark. Bonus: You each find a beetle either underneath your shirt or in your pants.
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